Sunday

I woke up in a panic/anxiety attack. I can’t remember if I was dreaming. I have just managed to calm myself and I’m trying to center my thoughts here. I thought about calling an ambulance, but the pain is gone in my chest and I’m breathing better now that is passed.

I was thinking of calling a crisis line, but I don’t know what caused this and I really don’t want to some random stranger who may or may not care as they read off some script.

So, let’s see if I can work this out.

Patty is a constant thought in my head, just there like something on the edge of your vision that no matter how you turn to look, you can’t see.
Last night I sat and worked on my budget.. I’m screwed. I don’t know how I’m going manage this all. I mean $500 to $1000 would take care of so much and get things on track, but fate is conspiring against me. That and the IRS..

It had one or both of these that bounced into brain, right? I’m not losing my mind like I’ve lost almost everything else? Are all these medications giving me early on set alzheimers or dementia?. Could that account for the several attacks I’ve had over the last few months? Am I that broken I can’t control my own emotions?

I just want to call and talk to someone who knows me and cares to talk, so no one. I don’t have anyone to ask to borrow money or to help with other stuff to help relieve at least food or fuel. In NY as a single person I make too much money to get assistance. What am I going to do???

Happy at Home

Of course you are having anxiety attacks…that’s a lot to worry about. It’s good you were able to pull yourself out of the attack without having to call for help.

La Perseph

What about food pantries? Alot of churches and/or community type of organizations have them. A few years ago I was looking into it in my city when I was always extremely low on money. They are free and you just sign up and they ave food available on certain days/hours etc. It’ll help a little so you could save a little more money. Food can get expensive – cuz ya know we got to eat everyday to stay alive and stuff haha

There’s only so much food you can get at a dollar tree :/

I read somewhere that to calm a panic attack to stick an ice cube in your mouth as in a panic situation, your brain is on high alert to fight or flight and all other basic needs come second like eating. So eating something trciks your brain like hey, if I’m trying to survive or fight or flight then why am I eating and eating things is a normal non-survival thing?

I hope I’m explaining that in a way that makes sense, I’m sick right now with a cold and have brain fog LOL

found the source where i found the ice cube/panic attack story thing:

https://www.boredpanda.com/ice-cube-anxiety-panic-attacks-tip/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

2 replies

@anhmymuminah That’s interesting. My therapist also mentioned something like that when I first started seeing her.

I understand the food pantry thing, I just feel there are more needy people and I would feel awful if I was to get something they need more.

@newt316 You put everyone before you though. You can be selfish and put yourself first in some circumstances as you are also in need. 💙

prayin4you

Sorry you’ve had a rough day. I like the food pantry idea. Even if you just go once or twice you’re not going to be taking from more needy people…. everyone needs help from time to time.

Also, I wonder if there are interests you have that could help you start to build your support system? Theater, poetry, jogging, motorcycles, books, etc. If not maybe even a therapy group?

@prayin4you Those are good ideas. Or also volunteering. It’s free and gets one out of the house for a while and give and help others :))

@anhmymuminah You’re right about putting others first. I was a Father at 18, so 33 years all I’ve known is that. Not to sound like a dick, but that’s also why I’m at this point in life like I am. The several times over those years, I did something selfish it blew up in my face. I was always treated horribly for not putting my kids or either one of their mothers first.

I’m a mental mess, I’m going to write more on that in an entry later. As far as “getting out there” I’m still a little damaged and desperately trying not to become agoraphobic on top of everything else rattling in my cob webs.