Struggling

Im fighting it tonight. Life’s choices really kicking my ass. Trouble seeing the good from the bad. My kids are like life’s little tortures. They keep me from totally giving up when all I want to is give up. I’ve made a series of poor choices and have had many made for me.

I was a normal person when I was married. I had the ” get up and go” energy to keep alive and striving and she took that from me. I mean she tore it to shit, set it on fire, and pissed it out. Maybe I should be happy she cared enough to piss it out.

I just can’t wrap my head around how the world reacted, which in turn cause me to react.

I want to give up

I’m so many ways I have. Oh, I cried out for help and wailed loudly about the pain. Like the hotline says, ” you’re not alone”. I call BS on that. I’ve been low enough to call the number and the only thing that stopped me was me.

Only to feel regret in doing it. Regret, why?

Now I ramble here like some lost soul mumbling down the road. I can’t find the happy middle ground of exhausted hate for life and joy for a new day.