Solutions

I think I figured it out, how to feel better. $1000. Just one thousand. That would get me out of the revolving debt that I can’t get a head of. Believe it or not, I like everyone live paycheck to paycheck and have since the divorce. Haven’t been able to get my credit to a point to get a loan. Let me rephrase that, I have the credit and still can’t get a loan.

Seriously, just to have one thing off the plate of worries would go so far. Truth is, I was one of the covid people who got behind on rent. Yes, I did apply for the rental assistance that was offered and yes they helped with all but one month and that has hung on me like a bad smell. Oh I budget for it and then repairs happen, hospital visits, mismanaged US and state Government that has made gas almost $5 a gallon and what cost $1 is now $3.

There doesn’t seem to be logic there. If you can’t afford your rent what makes you think if you catch it up you won’t fall behind again? Well, I can afford my rent, I just can’t afford to pay it twice in a month, unless I get paid to not work, use no electric or gas, eat every other day (ramen from the dollar store, which isn’t a dollar anymore) and shut off cable internet that has more uses than I can count. I could take showers at work, but oh yeah, I can’t afford to go to work if I’m going to get the money.

Why not a 2nd job. Where am I going to find a part time place that would work with the salesman hours I put in? Who would agree to allowing me every other weekend so I could see my kids and the ones I don’t, I have to work my main job. So essentially no weekends and possibly 12 hours during the week. The math doesn’t work and I would get maybe $75 to $125 extra. Where would this job be? Can I afford the gas to go to both. I live and work in the boonies, the country. Uber would be a waste seeing that I can’t fill the gas guzzling truck I have now and the same for dashing, did I mention I am close to an hour from any urban area to make it worth it?

So ask family members. Have you read my entries? I’m a 51 yr old man that is worse off than a 20 yr old. I had to start over with 2 pairs of pants, socks, shirts, and underwear and they all were already worn out. That’s it. Meanwhile she…. eh, fuck it, no sense in bringing it up other than the fact that if you’re a halfway decent looking woman, there’s always a guy who will pay for you.

I have made a decision though, not a good one, but one. What little possessions I do have are getting packed up. The chair, love seat, and the bed are being left behind. The weather is slowly getting better to sleep in my truck. Sure the kids will miss me for the few months I’m homeless, but I will make it up to them. Who knows I may have the money to find a new place by July, but I won’t have references since I left owing rent and left furniture.

I think it will work, just have to remember how to sleep sitting up and find a close enough rest stop from work.

Fuck my life..