Restart?

I’m an hour early at my psychiatrist appointment today. Just couldn’t sit at home thinking.

Really not sure how this will go. I realize I’m going to need meds to get me through life now. Trust me I would rather have family and friend support, but that’s not happening. This holiday season sucked.

I know it’s not the boys place to stay in contact with me, but it hurts that the last two weeks if it wasn’t for me calling and texting, they may have never contacted me.

I’ve spent the last two days in bed. I just slept the days away. I’m actually mad at myself for it.

I paid the rent. I have a place to live for month. And that’s the best thing I can say at this moment.

So here I sit in a semi empty parking lot trying to waste time until 9am. Then after this off to my job to suffer through another 7 hours until I can sleep again.

For you who keep score, I did have someone re-enter my life last week if only for a couple hours. She has seemed to avoid me for the last few days as far as a follow-up date though. Maybe she really is sick, maybe she saw that I’m still a mess of a human being.

I guess just because I like the pain, I’ll keep trying.

solovoice

2 weeks ago

I hope the psych gives you meds. They help. Children not calling is not unusual even in families with no issues. They are busy with their own lives. It will continue on and off through their adult years.

El Kay

I second what solovoice wrote about kids. My wish for you for 2025 is to find the pieces that will make your life livable again, whether it is medication or therapy or a girlfriend or a combinationof the three. Today’s visit is the first step. The second step is acknowledging that contentment comes from within, not from outside forces like people, places, things or medication. Goodbye 2024 and wishing you a better 2025.

rav diablo

My kids were exactly the same way, and even as grown-assed adults, I still have to make first contact. I do hope you get meds and that you give them a few months to adjust them so they are most effective. Brain chemistry can’t be fixed by friends and family – it is no shame to be using them, just as I do to treat my high blood pressure, stomach acid and prostate cancer. You should be thrilled to have them available.

Happy at Home

It may not be their place to stay in contact but it sure would be nice if they would. A phone call and asking to come visit would mean so much to you, I know.

I hope your dr. appointment went well. If the meds will make life less painful and easier then it’s a very good thing IMO. I don’t like that I have to be on them but the last time I tried to come off them I crashed so I’m fine with staying on them. I look forward to an update on how the appointment went.

Hopefully this person really is sick and you will hear from her soon. Did you two go on a date?