Random

I’m just putting thus out. I’m not in distress, not looking for help or even thinking of hurting myself.

I really have to laugh about the state of my depression. All over the TV, internet, and even tacked to local message boards in the store are the “if you feel sad or suicidal call or text someone” signs. I have in the past and you know what, no one helped. Not friends or family. I remember once in a particular low point I mentioned hurting myself to a family member, who decided not to make the 5 mile journey to my apartment to see me or talk to me, but to call for a welfare check by the police instead.

And that’s how my family and friends have dealt with my sadness and loss these last few years. No one willing to “dirty” their hands. There was a family Christmas on Saturday at my sister’s home, one that I was not invited to, but my ex and her new husband and my boys were. I was told that for the boy’s sake, she (my sister) wanted to keep the “family” aspect. This has been the case for the moment my ex left me 3 years ago. Oh, I did get a plate of cookies in the mail, so it’s all 👍

I know what those wrongfully accused people feel as they sit in jail. No one seems to want to believe them, just going on the story and not the facts. I’m the victim in this, I was cheated on, forced out, and broken, yet everyone treats me as if I wanted all this.

I can’t meet someone new, because they all think I haven’t moved on, but I have, it’s just to explain how I’ve come to this spot in my life the story has to be told and that’s the story. I personally think it’s a “nice” way of saying “eww, no way do I want anything more than a friendship with you” instead of just saying so.

I don’t think my confidence has ever been trashed like these 3 years ever in my life. Here’s a good example, I connected with a girl from my past who, at the time, was living overseas. We talked and flirted, she told me she always had feelings for me and would jump at a chance to date or more. Things happened in her life and she found that she was moving back this way. I haven’t heard dick from her since she came back to the states. No answers to messages or call backs.

So, if you read this and ever find yourself attempting to cheat a depressed friend or stranger up, don’t fucking lie. Don’t say stuff you don’t mean. We want truth, not something that we make a possibility or something to look forward to that goes tits up in an already disappointed time of our life.