Piling on some more

I must have definitely got up on the wrong side today. My thoughts have all just gone to a dark place all day.

It’s hard to be better, grow, and get over for me. I personally think I have done mostly all I can to, but I’m stuck. I can only describe the way I feel like this.

I was pushed off a cliff, but for some reason I had a rope tied to me. I hit bottom, hard, but I manage to get up. The rope tied to me runs up the cliff wall, but as I try to use it to climb, it just seems to unravel and although there seems to be more up top, it doesn’t seem to be secured enough for me to climb the rope. There’s some hand holds on the cliff wall and I begin a slow painful climb to get out of the hole. Halfway up I run out of places to grab, pull, and step. I’m just stuck and the only way I can move on is if someone will pull me the rest of the way or secure the rope and support me as I climb the rope. I have done all I can and now I really need other’s help, but the calls for help and notice just echo of the cliff.

So, yeah here I am. Tired and weak stuck somewhere in the middle of recovery and could use some help by the ones I thought would be there. I have personally pulled a few of them up when they were just hanging.

Many of you kind strangers have offered to talk both in texts and on the phone and I really appreciate it, but I need a familiar voice to hear and to listen. I want a little bit of normalcy after 3 years of nothing. But what is normal anymore?