Nothing is changing

Another late afternoon I’m sitting here waiting on calls or texts that don’t come. I’m stressing on money issues. Both income tax returns have been kept because of reasons I have yet to be informed of. I am captive to the debt from my divorce and life to a point where there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.  I have no one to ask for help or loan. My credit was totally destroyed by the divorce.  It’s pretty messed up when someone can be a cheater and lier. Can destroy a family and another person and that person is the one paying the price for it all.

It would be totally horrible to start a go fund me or something like that. I’m stupid for even thinking that. I can’t receive and Government help because according to them I make to much. They don’t care that my bills and debt clearly is more than what I bring home. I know boo hoo, this is life and we all have issues. My ex doesn’t. She traded up I guess, well where the money is concerned.  Who can blame her, 90% of women would do the same thing. 9 out of the 10 women I’ve tried to date told me I wasn’t financially stable for them to get involved,  but I was nice and kind.

So to put it bluntly about myself, I have no friends, no siblings to lean on, children that love me, but seemed to be ok from the first day that I was gone and he was there. I have no savings or money really, I live in almost darkness and constantly cold trying to save money on utilities, I’m about to cancel my internet and will have to live without any form of entertainment. I’m down to eating the bargin basement food from the dollar store. I take toilet paper and napkins from work. I can’t get a raise and can’t find a part time job because the hours I work. Don’t have the right vehicle for Uber and to much of a gas guzzler for Door dash.

On top of all of that, the owners of the complex I live at are in default with the bank and is losing the property. I don’t even know if I will have or could afford this place in a few months.

Like I said, I was a honest, living, and true husband, brother, father, and friend. I gave everyone at one time or another the shirt off my back. All I wanted was my little family and this is how fate, karma, of God has treated me. For 3 years I have tried every day to get out of my funk, repair bridges, and find several things to feel good and appreciate, but I just can’t anymore.