Not as easy as I hoped

You know it’s hard not to care about not caring.  I don’t know what it is about Sundays, but when the afternoon runs around whether or not I have had the boys, I just get horribly blue.

I wrote Patty the “I give up” letter today. Not a sugary sweet thing, just the fact that I can’t do it anymore.  I will never understand what makes a person do what she did, how she did it, and why. I can come up with reasons why, but we were so far from that, I just don’t know.

I called my oldest to check in with him and his brothers. He was out shovelling, I couldn’t be more proud of him. My second youngest right there besides him helping. What are the 3 boys do when Jonathan goes to college? What will I do?

It’s harder than I thought this radical acceptance. Trying to live in the present, especially when my everything was tied to all of them.