More whiny rambles

For some reason lately it’s been hard to deal with being a divorced father. I miss the kids just being there instead of what it’s become, me chasing them down to be with me. I thought I was a good enough father to them that they would miss me and be excited that I was just a walk down the street, but once and just only one time has any of them just showed up and that was because of a fight and not wanting my ex to punish them.

I never thought I would go months or years between talking to my friends. Although I reached out I haven’t heard from Tony in almost 2 years and Sean just shot down doing anything months ago. My brother Jim couldn’t avoid me the other day so there was a painful 2 minutes for him. Now that he knows what I drive he’ll be more cautious. My sister proved yet again that I have absolutely no one off line that I can talk to, instead she just went off on me for something that had nothing to do with what I said.

I haven’t talked to my therapist in weeks and as much as she totes texts, she hardly answers. Anyway, what’s a 45 minute talk going to do when it’s the loneliness.

I have 9 likes on Tinder and I have no money to see how totally messed up they really are. Almost $17 a week so I can feel even worse about myself. Either they are so not my type or they live 100s of miles away and are probably trying to con me.

But, that’s what my choices are now a days. I’ve never had this much trouble getting a job, but now I feel like I am not good enough for anything.  I applied as a cashier at Aldi’s and got the “we going with more qualified applicants” Really? I’m not any good at sliding a upc over a scanner?

I don’t know what I will do in 2 weeks when the unemployment ends, especially without any support or friends.

I have spent my life believing and every good that has came to me has been ripped away from me… My daughter, my relationships,  my son’s pride in me. How is it scumbag people are sitting somewhere right now surrounded by friends or family and I am stuck alone, calling and texting the void?