Midnight

It’s midnight and I’m still up hoping against hope that someone will message me. Thing is, I know no one will. The truth about it is and always was that no one around here even cares. I really shouldn’t be grieving over someone who has done nothing to show me that she ever cared for me and like others left me so completely it’s like I never was there.

I’ve been sick for close to a month, my depression and stress has finally caught up with me and I’m pretty sure I had a mild heart attack. IDK I’ve had some seriously scary panic attacks that put me in the ER for the night. People know this and I have never received one “how are doing ” call. A smart man would say fuck all of you, but I’m not a smart man. My heart does the thinking, that’s probably why I have gave myself broken hearted syndrome. Oh there’s a fancier name for it, but let’s just go with that. Now along with that my urine test have both come back with evidence of possible cancer, another fancy name I can’t remember either. Congrats,  you are the only ones that know that about me, I may have bladder cancer. Yes I know if caught early it’s like 99% treatable. Point is, I’m just not going to share that with people around here. Half will think I am making up for attention and all won’t give a shit anyway.  I guess I just can not understand how I went from being cared about and important to forgotten and worthless in what seemed like overnight. I just want to know what I did to everyone. They don’t have come back into my life, but at least explain why. I would even settle with a “you suck” spit in the face. I has to be better than the erase me completely out of your life, memories, and importance.