Maybe they’re all correct

Between the eviction notice and the nearly $1000 medical bills, I got to thinking maybe Patty was right about me and that’s why she left. I was better than bankruptcy for her. She got a fresh clean slate and I was left in crushing debt. I have absolutely no one I can borrow some money from and because of how I work finding part-time work is practically not going to happen. Where I live and because I own a gas guzzler truck door dash, Uber, or anything like them is a no-go. I would put what I made back into the tank and not make anything. So, here I am, making too much to get any social service help, but not enough to pay for the necessities.

I have made a budget today and I guess I can get by if I don’t eat, stop taking my meds, and never get my kids. Oh, come July maybe I can start to get ahead of things. I have asked and begged every one of my creditors, apartment management, and utilities if there was something we could do. Mostly no, but instead of a 14-day notice I now have 28 days to pay up my arrears in rent, a budget plan that will default if I miss a payment date, and a reduced monthly payment on the “marriage debt” that will essentially all go towards the interest with maybe 1/3 on the principle.

I’m just going to “power through” the withdrawal pains and effects from the psych drugs, not eating every day should help keep the blood sugar down, and well, roll the dice on the other issues I face.

So yeah, they were right, my ex and my sister, in saying I suck at money management. Patty found her “older” man who had money and now lives a life we never could. My boys have stuff I could never give them. People in my hometown have all forgotten I ever existed.

I’m really thinking it’s time. I had some “good times” along the way, but 3x the bad. Not one of the people in my life seems to care or even acknowledge me anymore, so would they actually miss me?  I worry for my kids, but they’ve been unfazed by what their mom did and like everyone, never questioned or argued with her about it. I’ve said and written it here before, none of the women who “left” me ever saw it as a mistake and gave me any type of caring or concern. 20 years of mostly trouble-free years with Patty and she wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. I’m pretty sure the words ” I really wish the boys were Ed’s” have come out of her mouth several times in the past few years. Why? It doesn’t matter to me anymore, not now anyway. I’ll give the boys Easter, I don’t want to ruin that Holiday for them.