March something….

I couldn’t think of a catchy title.

And that’s how things have been with me. Everything goes back to the grey. I can’t make a decision anymore. My head hurts and my anxiety takes over. Like now, I really would like a cigarette, but i’m trying to quit, but I want one. Who cares, I guit for 3 months and nothing got better, life stayed shitty, no one was proud and I still sat alone and depressed, just without smoking. Same with food. Do you know the endless amount of bull shit you hear when you’re in the position I am in? Do something that will make you happy. I want to sit here smoke a pack of Marlboros, while I put down a bottle of RC cola, and eat a whole bag of ruffles, that would give me some happines. That’s about then only thing that would unless a magic fairy came along and zapped me back in to the life I had. No one else lost anything. I want to just go, but can’t afford using my gas, it’s bad enough I have to driive 20 miles to see a doctor tomorrow.

I can’t get or keep motivated. I just want to die and get it over with. Fuck it, i’m going to the gas station for a pack and some RC and chips. What’s the use anymore? Time to become the ugly, fat, and bald old greasy man I feel like and apperantly other’s do to too. Let’s give the fuckers what they want…