Just not feeling it

That was the excuse. No get to know me. No meet up. Just not feeling it.

Fuck Patty. Fuck her for what she did and what it’s done to me.

Sure, it’s all on me to pull myself up, but she put me in a hole with smooth walls and no hand holds. Why? I did nothing to her, but 4 years later here I sit dealing with the fall out. She gladly collects over $500 from me as I scrounge together $3.50 for a pack of a Ramen and live in constant fear of losing what little I have.

And all I want is a friend. Someone to hug and make me feel like there’s a light somewhere,  but no.

Sitting outside of work wanting to give up. I don’t want to face another day with these people. Not face another day of backhanded “critiques” and being talked down to even if it’s said to be helping me learn.

I shaved last night so now I’m as ugly on the outside as I am on the inside.