How?

How do I force a change to happen? Gow can I make new dreams when all I ever dreamed of I had and lost?

Is there anything like a life coach who knows the ins and outs of rebuilding and saving a person? I’m serious,  I’m at a huge loss here. I can afford to pay rent for January but going forward IDK. IDK if I can afford utilities or pay my credit card balance or my cat. I can’t get my head straight about living. I am filled with self imposed guilt that no one seems to want to absolve me of.

I know I have to find work and that I can’t live on unemployment,  but I’m a 51yr old and with 2 bum knees and other problems. I really don’t think I can do some of the manual jobs anymore. I had enough trouble with my last one, but had the freedom to start and stop as I needed. I have waisted my life doing a lot of nothing, but not enough of something. I worked as a family man, who put the importance on my wife and children, never wanting to be away from them and being there for every moment. Now I don’t have them and I don’t have a job. The world hasn’t made me feel good about it either.

I didn’t ask for this and I know I didn’t cause any of this, but yet I still have all the blame and guilt heaped on me because of it. My ex treats me like a bum, eventhough her actions and my sacrifices brought me to this point. My friend blame me for doing the right thing even as they would if I did the wrong thing. I don’t know how much more I can give up or sacrifice to be normal again. Then again, I have no clue what normal is.