Feelings 2

So to continue what I started earlier, today I decided to get the car repair done. Good bye Christmas with the boys. Good bye extra money for the next few weeks.

You would think that since my life is just about sitting and whining about life, I would be ok with a several hundred dollar investment, but no, I am now sitting here struggling with ruminating about how I can survive the next few weeks.

I wanted to give my sons something for Christmas, even just $20 would be something. I’ll have about $200 left after repairs, but gas for work costs close to $60 and insurance is $175.

I can’t win. If I don’t get the repair, I’ll wind up with a fine. This is all overwhelming my brain and I’m trying to compartmentalize it all, but it’s not working.

I don’t know how much of an escape work will bring to my mental state this week, seeing that everyone wants time off for the holiday, but also wants time. And ofcourse good ole Colby, the pushover, will be there covering and hating it.

IDK. I just wish I could regulate my head. I just have to push through until the 3rd to see psychiatrist. I don’t want to be dependent on pills, but I guess I have to be.

Until then I will continue to fight the feelings of wanting to ram my head into the wall to make the voices stop.

Not really, I don’t have voices, just mine, alone.