Feel like shit

I feel like shit. The meds work, but the rest of it doesn’t. I’ve been eating like shit and too much to feel the void.

I don’t have a real kitchen to cook properly in, nor do I have the want to shop for the “right” food.

I spend my days mostly sleeping or working.

Yesterday my sister called and more or less guilted me into taking in my brother. I live in a one room studio, how am I going to do that? But I feel like I have to.

I have to laugh because if the show was on the other foot, no one was willing to take me in.

Now my brother comes with his share of problems. Smokes too much dope, doesn’t work, in horrible health, and smokes cigarettes like candy. I can’t have that here. I will be evicted within weeks of him moving in.

So, how do I find another place? I barely have money to live here in the way I live life.

And what about me? I want to have a relationship again at sometime. That’s not going to happen with me more or less babysitting him. Plus my kids.

Now my sister is the one with a big house and no children. Of course she has more or less taken over with my children and I get treated as less than when it comes to them.

How did it come to this? Where I am nothing to almost everone unless there is need.