End of January

So pretty much around the day I was told “I don’t love you anymore” 4 years ago, I was told we don’t want you here anymore. You would think that at age 51 a man would understand that it doesn’t matter what he does shit still happens to people. Some more than others. I spent 20 years being the best husband, father, brother, and friend and it didn’t matter. I paid rent on time, even through covid, for over 3 years and it didn’t matter. The jobs I busted my ass for, gone.

I’ve tried to roll with the punches, really I have, but when life has puts you in a corner it’s way too hard. I want to be the cool no worries guy. I want the world to burn down and be able to sit there with a marshmallow and enjoy the colors. I can’t though. It’s easy for employed people to tell me it’s easy to get a job. It’s easy for attached people to tell me that love will find me. It’s easy for home owners to tell me to just get a new apartment.

Oh, and for you people keeping score, I told my sister. As I guessed, the first thing she said is ” I don’t have any money, what do you think I can do…” I didn’t ask for money or help, I needed to talk. Also, this has now turned into “you did something wrong” situation. Just like my divorce was my fault to everyone and my job loss was all my fault, I must have done something to lose my lease.

I seriously have to give up thinking someone will just come around and just cheer me up.