Dear Patty

Patty, 

I’m not sure why I am writing this to you. My guess is as soon as you see it’s from me you’ll delete it without reading it. I know you know I’ve been struggling these years we have been apart. I miss you so much and the family we made together. Every where I look there’s nothing but memories of us, all of us.

I wish you would have talked to me then and explained why you were unhappy and falling out of love with me. I would have moved Heaven and Earth for your happiness and love. People have been telling me if I really love you that I should be happy for you. I try. You remarried so fast and that hurts so much. Didn’t anything I do for you our 20 years give you some sort of pause, was it all a waste?

Do you even care about me? I can’t understand how you could just shut it off, even as you developed feelings for him. You know it doesn’t change anything with him to still care for me. I’m not stupid, I’m just lost and I need to understand before I can move on. 

I gave you everything in the divorce and took on our debt so you had a new start. Why do treat me like I did nothing but abuse and hurt you, when all I did was to love you and keep you safe and comfortable? 

None of this is fair for either of us. Why couldn’t we have talked about things or cry about the end of a beautiful 20 years, even if the result was the same? I can’t see a life without yet and probably never will, but we were always talking and I miss that. Every day from the first we talked, it never old or tedious. We never went to bed angry and woke each morning to a kiss and hug. I’m glad you allowed me to have that one more time back then. If it would have known that was the last time you would be mine, I wouldn’t have let go.

I’m sorry. I’m not really being adult by writing this, especially since it’s been over 3 years and you’ve been remarried for over half of that time. I also now that you have told me to just keep it about the boys and anything is harassment. You know me better than anyone has ever, you had to believe this was going to wreck me after losing Kayla and Mom after the years of all the stuff she said with her dementia. You know that no one talks to me or contacts me. Other than the visits with the boys I have spent all this time alone.

I just wanted to appeal to the little piece of me that still is in your heart or at least I hope is. I love you Patty.

I’m apologize for bothering you,

Colby