Complaining

I feel my post have become nothing but complaining bullshit. Maybe so. I’ve hit a point where ” life,” has just been cruel with the hits. Losing Patty just crushed me and although I put on a brave face and tried to power through the total damage hasn’t shown up until years later.

These last 6 years alone have worn away a person I never knew I was. Lost, sad, codependent. I just want to get through a day where I’m not my own worst enemy, but I can’t.

I’m back to smoking, which I now feel the damage it’s doing on top of the monetary damage. I have a $700 car repair that needs to be done and have $100 to my name. Sorry kids, Christmas with Dad sucks, again.

I can’t even take it anymore. Just go to work and come home has become such a chore.

And then this weekend happened. My three sons had a drag out fight. Hair pulling, punching, scratching fight. I feel so powerless on the outside. How do I punish them when I need them so?

Then work turned into a wreck. I have to go to another store for the next few Sundays. Easy enough to say, but it’s not. The store is another 15 minute ride to an already 40 minutes. Different set up. Different paperwork.

See. Complaining. It’s work. It’s not supposed to be a party. You work for money. I need money. Just the basic reason I push to go, but go home wanting it to end.