Another f’n holiday
I’m just going to come out and say it, I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to commit suicide, I just want to die. Be that 1 in a billion chance to get hit with space junk or quietly in my sleep.
My life and this world is just shit and it’s just getting worse. Maybe if I was dripping with friends and family and 20 years younger I could deal,
I can’t even live in a angry state and just live to piss people off. All the love I have put into this world has been used against me like an innocent deer covered in spring flowers that walks into a hunter’s kill box.
Right now I’m sitting in at a Tim Hortens parking lot drinking an almost $3 medium coffee and all I want to do is flip off every one who passes by. Yet I don’t because for some stupid fucking reason I care. I care for people who wouldn’t think twice about me if it meant they would get ahead.
I love a woman who took that love and destroyed me with it, emotionally, mentally, and financially. I sit here and haven’t even received one holiday greeting. I’ve sent out over 20 and not one reply.
“Gee Colby, why are you so bitter and angry?”
I’d love to be at least 10 years younger. Seems my body is going downhill fast now that I am in my 50’s. I hate it.
@happyathome 🤗 I love you so much for always being here for me. I wish for nothing but you getting through all of that. Happy Easter to you and I hope today goes off without a hitch for you.
@newt316 That’s so sweet…thank you!! I worry when I come here and there’s not an update from you. I find myself wondering during the day if you are okay and always glad to see an update.
Everyone just left and I probably won’t get out of my recliner for the rest of the day and until bedtime. Everything turned out fine and the kids enjoyed me dying eggs with them. I usually hang out more with the kids than I do adults at get togethers…they are more fun.
Did you not get to see your kids today? I’m sorry if you spent the day by yourself 🙁
@happyathome Had them 4 hours, just dropped them off and now trying to fight the devil on my shoulder telling me I’m a shit father and everything is my fault.
@newt316 But in your heart you know everything is most certainly not your fault. Don’t carry her guilt for breaking up YOUR family. That was your family and she has stolen it from you and that is not your fault. Not at all your fault. You love your kids and you are being the best father circumstances will allow you to be.
(((Big Hug)))
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I don’t know how old you are, but I promise you being 20 year younger doesn’t change anything. I am 35 and I too sometimes wish I was younger, but then I remember how shit this world is that we live in and I ask myself how much better would life really be if I was 25? I mean yeah I would like to think I was happier when I was 25, but then would my life have gone the way it has gone and would I just end up here again?
I think the best thing we can all do is making out current life better now or better for the future. I need to follow through and make sure my husband leaves in a few weeks time. I need to gain the momentum and courage to put myself out there and loose weight and be the person that I have always wanted to be. And I cannot allow myself to continue having shitty long weekends.
@ncumisa I’m 51. It’s been horribly hard to move on from my family life to every other weekend Dad. I had all my kids over for 4 hours today then dropped them home. Now I’m sitting in the quiet not wanting to pick up the mess they left because it makes me feel like I’m forgetting them…
@newt316 saying goodbye sucks! But thankfully you got those 4 hrs. 😘
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sorry you are having a rough time. I know break ups are the worst! but… when you find the next right people… it is all worth it! (hugs)
@kaliko I want to find that one, just do not know if I have the energy to do all the right steps. Maybe I can luck out and be like her new husband and prey upon a woman and get an instant relationship…
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