And there it is…

I used to have 3 important women in my life. 3 unconditional loves. My daughter died in 2012. My mother in 2018. My wife, although still alive, died in 2019. I lost all three in a matter of hours.. Two were sudden and one was known. Two hurt me horribly and one destroyed me.

I have been left in a state of grief for almost 3 years. Not wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be with someone. Most of the time not by choice. I have this overwhelming empathy that two of them brought to life in me and overwhelming depression and hate the other caused me.

My wife died on January 20, 2019, sometime between 6am and 3pm. I had one last kiss, 1 last hug, and one last reciprocated ” I love you”. Something I did not get with my daughter or mother. There was a stranger in our home when I finished work for the day. This person remarried as soon as it was possible and these 2 strangers raise my children. For some reason I have been called names and bitterly talked to from her. She won’t tell me where she buried my wife or what even happened to her. This stranger has also turned friends and family against me to the point I am no longer welcome in the village I grew up in or invited to my own family functions at my sister’s home.

I greave the lost of my wife, daughter, and mother every day. I greave for my children’s loss of their normal family. For memories unfulfilled and dying dreams. I greave for the lost of myself, because on that day in January, I died too.