Almost, but not quite

I miss my job like I miss my wife. Both things that I shouldn’t because I was never considered good enough by either. The world in the last 4 years has taken a baseball bat to my face.

I just want to be a drone and I did everything I could to stay that way. I worked hard and went above and beyond to just have that comfortable feel.

Now everything is slammed into me without stop. Race guilt, man guilt, covid, the shitty state of the US, cost of food, rent, bills, MGTOW, feminism, what women want vs what they say they want, losing friends, losing dreams, global warming, war, paying taxes to feed and take care of everyone but us here in this country,  being judged on how I am a father based on my financial involvement, being told that men should have feels, but made to feel like a shit because I do.

If I so much as did to anyone what they have done to me I would be ran out of town.

I don’t want to be this guy I have become. I don’t want to see and bitch about the unfairness of everything. I just wanted to go to the job I loved and lose myself there. Yes, I had some issues with my coworkers, but I also had a job where I could go and lose myself in things without the world taking a shit on me. Same with my little family bubble I had. I want a relationship with my boys other than trying to shove life lessons and good times along with forming them into men, in 1 or 2 days.

I’ve been left alone with nothing but the world. Just pouring on the Bull Shit of the woke craziness of today. Sure I can just shut it out. Turn of the internet. Read a book. Listen to the radio. Embrace the fact that I will probably never have a good friend or relationship ever again and live.

Do what I want, they say. I have no money. My job is gone and honestly a lot of the jobs being offered will essentially make me less money then the unemployment I get. It sounds so easy. Find a job. Yet, there is gas for the car to get there and of course the car. There is the fact my health is poor and I am hitting an age that, like it or not, getting a decent job probably won’t happen. There’s the fact I can only see my kids on the weekend 9 months out if the year. I know, I know what I sound like and I also struggle constantly sounding like that.