A New Kind of Sadness

I don’t think I have ever gone this long without a new friend or relationship.  I’m not talking about the friends I made on here or Facebook, I mean a stop over for a drink, play a game, or have a date friend.

I’m lonely, even with a puppy, I’m lonely. The focus is on the puppy now. Everyone notices her and through that is forced to talk to me. They get their fill of petting and playing and never talk to me again.

With all that has gone on with the divorce, I have been shuffled to the dark recess of the cellar and forgotten about. My ex lives a life that although she is surrounded by evidence of a life with me, she has completely blocked out the last 20 years and people who knew me (us) have too.

I am a stranger in my hometown now and a stranget in the place I call home now. I have a neighbor who barely spoke 2 words to me the first 5 months, who now makes it a point to correct everything I do with my dog.

I have entertained the thought of re-homing Nanee. Maybe a happier family would be best for her. I have never been suicidal, but a part of me has died and it’s dragging the other with it.

I have never felt so ugly, worthless, and avoidable as I have over the last year and a half, and try as I might, it’s not improving.