2 in 1 day

They say if you feel suicidal (I’m not, just making a point) that you should call someone. A friend or family member. If this was the case, I’d be long dead.

All I  heard for months and months was to get out of that shell. Open up and talk, is what I am told and every time I do it’s like screaming in the Grand Canyon and not even getting the echo.

I don’t want to call or text a crisis line and feel like I’m being talked to by someone using a script. There seems like absolutely no real compassion or understanding from them, sorry it’s how I feel.

I also don’t have the money to see my therapist or even one on-line, but to be honest that’s not even what I’m looking for. I want something that’s gone and never coming back. Like my parents and my daughter, just gone.

You know what sounds good right now? Taking a sledge hammer and just wrecking shit. Hurting people who have never felt this way but want to tell me how I shouldn’t and how I should move on from it. Never felling this pain of rejection and loss, especially when their lives have never changed like this. The hopeless feeling that I can only imagine is like tripping on the edge of a cliff and tumbling over it. The pain and absolute panic, fear, and sick knowing there’s nothing you can do, but you madly look for someway, anyway out of it. The only difference is that people who have went out that way eventually hit the ground, where I have been falling for 3 years.