Oh I Just don’t know anymore!

Kay so if you’ve read my previous entry you know about what happend with Dave and I. Well ever since that night he hasn’t called he hasn’t e-mailed and he hasn’t even said hi to me when he’s online. He makes me think that things are gonna be good between us again which is what I’ve wanted for so long. I mean I love him and yes I made some mistakes that I can’t take back. But If he didn’t see us going anywhere from that night why did he cuddle with me and why did he kiss me? And of course it had to be right when I was feeling better. Right when I was feeling that I could move on. Right when I felt I was ready to do that very thing. Then I go with him and It was one of the greatest nights that I’ve had in such a long time. But now that he dosen’t call anymore again I’m back to where I started. Depressed and alone.  I mean I’m not fully alone cause I have this beautiful little girl growing and moving inside of me But this makes it so much harder.

Why? Why is it always just when I’m feeling better something happens and it makes me feel worse then I did before I felt better the first time? I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of wondering what if. I just want to be happy. I want to be loved and respected.

It’s not like I could have known that Robert was gonna be at my house waiting for when I left and that he was gonna follow us. But he makes me feel like it was my fault. I love him so much and I know at one time he felt the same but why would he do this to me? Why would he make me feel like it was okay if it really wasn’t? I mean I know the phone works both ways and I could call him to but I don’t want to call him if he dosen’t want to call me. And it’s obvious that he dosen’t want to call because he hasn’t called. I don’t know maybe I’m blowing it out of poportion. Maybe he’s just busy. But it used to be that no matter how busy he was he’d always make time for me. And now I see him once and we have a great time together and he decides that he’s not gonna call me.

If he didn’t want to have anything more with me then just someone to talk to then what the hell did he ask me to come over and watch a movie with him for. Why the hell did he do those things. Oh god I’m rambling I’m sorry I think I’m gonna go now so I don’t bore you with my lonlieness.