NoJoMo 13-16: Missed A Few Days

Well I have sucked these past few days! I didn’t realize it had been so long. But here I am…

Let’s see, what’s been going on here? Tuesday I spent the day with my twin, Shalonda. That was super nice. I don’t have a dog sitter for Max so getting out to just hang out and be is kind of a rarity these days. Mom doesn’t mind watching him, but refuses to take him out to use the bathroom. Most of the time when I do get out, it is usually for a couple hours for a lunch date or a store run. Dad’s work schedule is all over the place, so its hit or miss when it comes to him watching Max for me to get some social time. I try not to complain because I mean he is my dog and my responsibility. It would just be nice to have a sitter every once in a while, so that I won’t be staring at the same 4 walls 90% of the time.

Anyway, Shalonda and I went to lunch and then another friend’s house for a while. We sat at Jennifer’s house talking and laughing for a couple of hours and then headed home. Dad was off work that evening. PRAISE GOD. So he watched Max again so that I could go work out with Shalonda and go with her to visit another friend. That’s kind of where things went south.

I knew dad had to clock in at work the next day at 6 am, so I debated going back out. I texted Shalonda and told her that I probably wasn’t going to go back out. I asked her how late she estimated we would be out. She said about 10 or so. That’s not too late. I asked dad twice if he’s sure he doesn’t mind watching Max and told him we were going to visit Ashley after working out. He said he didn’t care and I figured we weren’t going to be back too late. Well, their song writing session took way longer than estimated and I can’t drive so it wasn’t like I could just take off. We didn’t get back until 12:30.  Like I said, I didn’t plan that. THEY didn’t plan it. But we were having fun and they were making tons of progress on a new song they were writing. Before I got home, I got a text from dad saying “Thanks for messing up my sleep again.” That honestly killed the entire evening.

First, like I said, it wasn’t planned. If I had known, I would not have gone, so it is not like I’m just a selfish, inconsiderate person. Second, it had literally been over 2 MONTHS since I had been ANYWHERE other than the grocery store with my mom or doctor’s appointments. I have not even been to the gym or church for that matter in about 2 months or so. I LITERALLY have not left the house to hang out anywhere. So not only can I not make one mistake, I can’t have one day just to myself and enjoy myself. Third, how did I mess up your sleep? I honestly don’t understand why he can’t fall asleep when I’m out of the house. He says Max barks, but I KNOW its not constant. He just barks when he thinks he hears someone coming in the door. Which honestly, he does that when I’m there AND when I’m not. So I know its not often at all. Max puts HIMSELF to bed. He’s asleep right now. Like clockwork, unless we’re riling him up and playing with him, Max puts himself to sleep around 8-9 pm EVERY NIGHT. He’s done that since I’ve had him, and I’ve had him for 2 years now. So why is it conveniently when I’m gone at night, he can’t sleep? Then he gets a pissy attitude and guilt trips me like I’m selfish for being out of the house when he has to get up early. Mind you, my mom comes home every night from work around midnight. So Max is GOING to bark at some point in the night anyway when she comes home. He never complains about that or gets an attitude when he barks then. So whats the difference??

I don’t know. I am frustrated because I know he works hard and I try to respect their time and space. But at the same time, I am 35 years old, trying to get back on my feet, and I feel like I’m hitting walls at every turn. I don’t want to have to give Max away to be able to do things, but its looking like I may have to. With mom not willing to have anything to do with taking him out during the day, I’m not sure how getting a job would work.

When I moved back here, the plan was we all would try to move to Little Rock where my brother is so the whole family can be together in one area again. We were looking at houses and everything. We live in a small farming and industrial town, so office jobs I can physically do as a little person are almost nonexistent. Factor in not being able to drive and no public transportation here. Its just hard to figure out right now. I need to move to a place with more opportunities, but that takes money lol.

I don’t know. At this point, I’m just venting. And don’t get me wrong. They are WONDERFUL parents and I appreciate them and everything they do. I just need to vent every once in a while. I know something will open up eventually. I just have to hold on until then. Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. And I want to end on a happy note.

So here it goes…

I’VE LOST 14 LBS!!!!! I got a cheap scale today and finally weighed myself again. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to the gym, so I haven’t weighed myself in forever. I am SO surprised and happy! I’ve got to keep it up though. There’s more that I need to lose to get closer to my “healthy weight.”