New Year, New Home

I’ve been staying with Jason for nearly four weeks now, I love staying with him it’s just I can tell we’re getting a bit moany at each other. I’m not saying I WANT to go from his yet, and I know he wants me to stay as well it’s just I need to spend some nights out.

I was staying at my Mum’s after I moved out of my old flat but on 29th December, Kevin got really pissed off with me and said I had to move out in 2 days – this is with my flat still having bare walls, no carpet, no heating, no hot water, no cooker, fridge etc.. just bare walls.

Oh yeah, I have a kitten and of course I had to name her from a character from my favourite film!! I named her Tinkerbell. She’s long-haired, black with white on her paws, a white spot on her back and on her chin and nose

Anyway, I moved into Jason’s just temporary until my flat’s all done. I took my cat with me. The reason Kevin got really pissed off with me living there was because I wasn’t paying any rent but it’s not like I ate much there anyway. I was out everyday I just needed somewhere to stay and the first person you always think of first is your Mum’s house BUT I can’t do that anymore. I hate him. I’m never allowed to stay there again and he got annoyed that my kitten was there too. I got in from work and I asked where Mum was and he had a bottle of Port or red wine I don’t know. So obviously drunk like everyday. Started shouting about her being at my flat and me "not doing fucking anything" to help towards my flat. I go to college Monday to Thursday – work Friday and Saturday and Sunday when I’m so tired anyway is the day when I’m free. He was shouting also about Jason not helpin to do my flat!! He doesn’t KNOW much FUCKING MUCH Jason does for me and cares for me!! I was arguing back explaining myself and sticking up for Jason and he said the only reason why I’m getting this new flat is because of him ‘apparently’ hitting me 2 years ago. I was saying what the hell are you on?! Fay (little sister) was there and he turned around and fucking punched her in the face!! GRRR. He still denies it. And that is true about it is because of him that I’ve got this flat but I’m not happy about it, it is good that I’ve got a place of my own but it’s SO stressfull!!!! :'( I just want things to move along and move in.
He chased me up the stairs and started shouting something about no one’s in and this time he WILL hit me right in the centre of ‘my little face’?! I was screaming and ran into my bedroom and pushed myself up against the door and my eyes was searching the room so quickly for something to hit him with – protect myself but there wasn’t anything. It all went quiet and he started whispering through the door (it was kind of what he was saying last time but last time he was shouting it in my face) that Mum wasn’t in – no witnesses – that he was actually going to really hurt me – he did fucking 2 years ago!! Destroyed me emotionally and physically. My heart felt like it was going to burst on how hard it was pounding. Was crying my eyes out screaming. I grabbed my phone and called Rachel who was with my Mum. I don’t want to carry on but he didn’t get to hit me that time. Moved into Jason’s that night with everything.

I just want everything to be done I hate things like this I just CAN’T BE BOTHERED GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I hate that I can’t really talk about it I’m never on my own at Jason’s so I haven’t let it all out yet.. I think that’s why I keep snapping at him, I can feel anger inside me.

My carpet’s getting done Thursday – going to cost me £235 but I get to pay weekly which is good. Only about £10 each time. At least things are coming along…

Going to next lesson xxxxxx