destruction

When I was young, there was one thing I did right and that was stay true to myself always. I didn’t listen to what others said. Not ever. I kept a clear overview of the things that were coming for me. deep down, I knew that when I left home, I’d find what I needed my whole life. And that’s what I found when I moved out of the state for one year in Vancouver, Wa. I think all of us need to go out in the world so that we can see how much we all love each other, and how special friendships are.

Now we are all destroying each other not consciously, but it seems like we spend more time trying to tear down than to support each other. I hate feeling defensive and uncomfortable with myself because someone makes me feel nervous. I am who I am and if someone has a problem with that, then they don’t have to be friends with me. Why is it that i feel like I am fooling myself more and more each day. I have a short temper and I raise my voice for no reason. I’ve been trying to believe that I am content, that I am in control but underneath it all, that is so far from the truth. And the only time I can see it is when I look at myself in pictures from the past couple of months. It doesn’t look like me. The eyes are distant and the smile is forced and maybe no one notices but me, but I am the only one who matters. I take for granted my many talents because I am always so wrapped up in everyone else’s world. Caring and trying to help everyone except for myself.I suppose we all go through changes in life and me well I’m just waiting for change because things have been the same for years now. I believe as long as I am honest with myself everything else will fall into place. I may never be the person I was a year ago but I am on the right track because I am working hard for my dreams and setting goals this time.