More Text Messages

Let me just say this first: Opendiary has been painfully slow and was completely unusable yesterday.  I have started a new journal at livejournal.com.  I am scared that the DiaryMaster has given up on this site so that is my back up plan until this one dies completely.  They will be duplicate entries, so if you read it here, it’s the same there.  Also, the name is: ivetem  there.  Thank you.

C: i vetem,  How are you?

Me: I am good. How are you?

C: I don’t like it when you’re quiet like that. Don’t ever think that I don’t consider your feelings. You and Lily are always on my mind. I’d do anything for you both. You have no idea.

Me: That’s the problem. I don’t have any idea. I don’t know how to explain it. I know how you feel about Lily. No doubt in my mind. But when it comes to me I feel "in the way" or like I am still around simply because lily is here.

C: … You’re part of her and you allowed me in and part of my love for Lily is also love for you. You have to understand that. It’s just I see her sparingly and those few precious hours I’m consumed being her dad. I don’t want to hurt you.

Me: I know you don’t. You don’t want to hurt anyone. You’re a kind soul. I just sometimes get down because I know I am not the person that you imagined yourself with.

C: That’s not how you should see it. Perhaps there’s a missing piece in the puzzle. Perhaps I have some personality deficiency. Perhaps I’m too soured by my past experiences.

Me: I mailed those emails today. I think they will open your eyes. I copied some of our instant messages too.

C: I’m drifting.

Me: Good night. Sleep well.

Her