Guilty…

…just like the old pre-hiatus day I now feel guilty for not writing every day. I know it is up to me but it is like leaving a favourite book unfinished but always wanting to get back and see how it all goes.

I am plodding on doing ok and like most people concerned for how my health is. The last episode resolved and things are now sorted…just waiting for the next things to go wrong lol

The nun is back to her usual grumpy not talkative self. For some reason I have done something that she perceives as wrong, a slight or stupid but on’t let me know what it is. The long face, pursed lips and generally being ignored thing doesn’t make life comfortable. Somehow I always allow it to get to me. When we do have conversations it always seems to turn from her to me and I really cannot be bothered with those discussions any more.

Move on I her people say…well it ain’t that simple when the thing you have in common is the thing that takes the money and therefore to split and go elsewhere does not leave money for a flat of any size. Savings have gradually faded away as pay doesn’t go up but the price of everything does. For some reason she doesn’t have the ability to save or put money away…I’ve got it so I’ll spend it is her mentality and as she gets older she gets worse. I just hope my 3 kids stop having grandkids otherwise the end of the world financially beckons (3 kids and 4 grandkids).

Work struggles onward and although I am told the work I do is excellent a crisis of confidence means I am now double guessing what I say and do. My old boss (now my bosses boss) says I do brilliantly and he looks forward to discussions on work and where things are going but I don’t get it. Maybe being in a bad place or at least a neutral space just wipes (nearly had whips – that is something totally different) out hearing good stuff and leaves you with the feeling of being ungood.

I used to refer to myself as a ghost – good when with people, fun to be around but not thought about when absent – but I see even that phrase now has a social media context. Maybe I was just way ahead of the game! Somehow that hasn’t changed but almost appears to start applying even when I am with people!

On the family front though my cousin is over from the USA visiting his mum and other relatives for the first time in ages. In this case he is also coming with his wife, who I have met, and his 2 children who I haven’t. Children well they are adults one having graduated university and the other…I need to dive into the facebook and see what I can do to remind myself. He is visiting large chunks of the country starting on the south coast then up to the Midlands to see his dad who is travelling over from Wales. Cannot be too bad as he must be nigh on 80 or so. I get to meet him ten he goes a little further south and east and then into London (The Smoke). It really is a whirlwind tour so I hope they are prepared! I promise to try and not slag of the POTUS although to be fair it would be so so easy during the visit but….

Oh and talking of that it seems POTUS will be going to Scotland for a couple of rounds on his courses there. Not sure he is popular up there as they keep stopping his plans for development of the courses and sites to protect the countryside, the animals and develop appropriate sustainable power supplies in the longer term. Yep they put a wind farm off the coast something he did’t want. Were they bothered – absolutely not. He may have billions but here it just does not wash that what he wants he can have because he is rich. Maybe he should look at himself and realise it is not a good way to think. Alas my friends over the pond you have him for another couple of years or so…

Thnder is going on around me as I write and it is beautiful to hear. Alas I cannot see the lightening but just the one thing makes me feel good that nature still works and mankind cannot control everything…I do also feel sorry for the Hawaiian people who are suffering because nature has decided time has come for a volcano to do its thing. I hope they can survive until it settles down again. It will settle but nature will do what natur does.

I live a few miles away from a pair, or trio, of volcanoes but fortunately they have been extinct for umpteen thousands of years – just never say never. [I do love a good Bond film!]