Diary review and other stuff

My old much missed diary is being restored and has shown just a few of the early early entries. Goodness they seem so long ago – ok 14 years is a long time ago – but they also shows some social and interweb changes. Friends Reunited for example no longer exists having spawned others in its own image but ultimately failing having been bought out. My kids now have kids of their own…my sister had another one, to her surprise, and with the special needs he has is busy fighting the system to give him opportunities to have an education and support to become the best he can. 2 weddings and 1 divorce, job changes, health changes – have I so missed the opportunity to document my life.

So what of today. Health has meant a number of months off work but now getting back into the swing of things. The job hasn’t changed the people haven’t changed, my boss is still as good and supportive of me and appreciates, as do other Heads, the work I do, its accuracy and indeed the speed they get a response. I must be doing something right. I am though in the process of re-evaluating what my life actually has achieved and finding an answer that is basically precious little.

I have had issues with mental health, seeing myself positively and accepting plaudits from others. I have had issues accepting that my work is valued. I have issues that my body has let me down and that my mind is goig the same way. Basically I feel as though I am watching the world while really not being part of it. Yes I wish I was younger and made different, many different, choices but now I have the difficulty of living with those decisions. No that is not easy.

I take pride in what my kids have achieved while regretting the path one of them has chosen. Oh this entry has gotten to wind its way hither and thither as per usual and has no obvious point. But the thats the point isn’t it? My diary to write my entries ad express my thoughts my way along whatever path they take.

OK for now I think I need to stop and re-group and see where I go now…goodness I may even watch the Bachelor series goodness knows what (16 I am told by my TV!).