Words!

So I didn’t quite give my husband the letter. But I did speak some of it to him. And he is taking it on. I mean of course because we have come to a point where I am freaking out about money and accounts and without me having to say it he is pulling up his pants and talks about how he wants to make some account changes and he is being all confident about things working out.

I told him how I am going to sell the car that I have now, which he drives, when I get my new car…I am getting so tired of waiting. He understands and he talks a lot about how he is going to do things differently and planning how he will manage public transport etc. Right now I so don’t want to leave him having to take public transport. Besides us going into winter….

The dangers of using public transport still have me freaking out.

On Saturday when I spoke to my dad about selling the car…he kinda implied how he doesn’t want me to sell the car…but when I fill up the car and get hit with the bill I don’t know how we would be able to finance two cars.

I filled up our VW Vivo this morning and for 43.7l we were changed R 979.00.  Just did some maths now… the tank of the car I am hoping to get is 47/ which isn’t that much bigger than the car I have now. So Petrol = R 1 024.60 Which isn’t much more than what I pay now. Maybe I can keep both cars and we can make it work. It will be tough, but I really want him to have the car.

On Monday my father said I was so   and . As if I don’t know that already.

Anyway…

For the past few days/2 weeks, my husband has been so focused on AA and all things on being sober. Yesterday he went to play  and I sat with him while he went to  (Well I want reading while he was sitting in on Zoom) He told me to remind him about the face to face sit in on the 1st of June.

He wrote me this message this morning…

💘You know i Really would love to THANK YOU from my heart for being with me and sticking with me.. 💓

 

I am saying this cause sometimes i have flash backs of the stupid things i used to do cause drinking, at the time i did not see it cause i was blind to it.  Now that i am walking with G-d and i am set free from the strong hold of booze and by the way i LOVE BEING FREE.. You have been my Rock for AGES and babe i am TRULY THANKFUL. I dont know how to repay you but i will DAMN keep pushing every day to show you i am Thankful..

For lil person you are you are a lil fire cracker and strong willed. I AM so glad G-d BLESSED ME with you in my life..

I promised myself i will push and shoot for the stars here on till i die not just settling for crap that life throws at me or US. You know its so awesome being so awake like i see things so differently now and my thought processing is on point and i walk with soo much confidence knowing i am with G-d ALL THE WAY.

I used to be so nervous , worried and anxious about things and myself but i am FREE from all that mess. like something has been lifted off me and i am NEW again.  WITH OUT G-D and your love i would be yoh Dead mybe but you showed me TRULY LOVE and it honestly kept me trying not to give up.

I know i have alot to do to show i have moved past the drinking thinking and honestly it dont bother me as i thought i would feel lost if i dont drink but i LOVE THE FULLY FOCUSED ME. i know what i want and i know where i am going with my life. But i also think i had got to a place where i had enough of the crappy cycle of us being down cause of drinking and so that just pushed to be fully motivated to drop drinking and be a good person and hubby to you.  I

I also was kept on praying to G-d to make me hate drinking cause i had stopped enjoying it but it had become a bad habbit , so G-d used you to show me its bad for me and us in his way for ages i did not see it but at some point the HOLY SPIRIT told me to change now and ever since i opened up about it and being honest it does not have a hold over me anymore, not saying i am out the woods but i must always keep watch of myself for life..

So inconclusion to my rumbling on , I just wanted to let you know you are needed by me , wanted by me and loved by me ALWAYS.

Thank you for loving me 🥰😘♥️

******

I asked him to express his love for me more. He is trying…