Today, I Choose Me!

For awhile; my sister and Psychiatrist have said that I am Co-Dependent, on my husband. I didn’t agree or disagree with them. I always figured that I wasn’t bothered by my husband and his ways, and that I could just go off and do my own thing, and me choosing to be by his side or to rearrange my plans to suit his wants and plans, was me just loving him and being a good wife.

But, this year I started off with just doing what I want and not letting his drinking saga affect me and make me rearrange my plans. But often that didn’t entirely work.

But I don’t think that is entirely enough to say that I am living for myself. Can I really be living for myself when I am married and part of a home which relies on two people?

So, I guess when I look up the meaning of ‘Co-dependency’, I realize that I am Co-dependent. Me converting and saying that I am doing it for myself isn’t enough. I need to let go and not let his addiction control my mood and my sanity and feelings.

Right now, my husband is in a good place (in his mind) and being positive and a good sounding board and a real partner. But I cannot let his fall affect my mood.

Before I would focus solely on him…I would give him my undivided attention and neglect what I want.

Yesterday I told him that his mother can come down but during the Jewish Passover she cannot come down then, as I have plans. and to make sure that what he does suits me, too.

This morning I went to go buy Challah Rolls  and I had to use my Credit Card, as my Debit Card is in overdraft. When I got back into the car, I told my husband and I was upset, but he told me that it will all work out and he told me how he plans to transfer most of his salary into our Discovery Bank Account. And how he will get us through this month. I mean that was comforting and made me smile.

I am feeling good! I know things will work out.