There’s a new wind blowing…Am Just a Fool in Love
There’s a new wind blowing like I’ve never known….
Well that is how my day started. Work was busy and light and happy…been awhile since I actually enjoyed a full day at work. I was busy and things were happening and I was really happy. I felt good. But when my husband called me…asking me to buy him cigarettes one my way home…I could hear it. He had been drinking. Just yesterday I felt like I reached a break through. I was going to accept his choice to drink and be irresponsible….but coming home to him being drunk just made it so hard for me to smile and act as if all was merry. So I just kept to myself and spoke when I needed to. I watched today’s TV shows without him…which has become a normal thing…and I guess just felt miserable….which is a shit thing considering how today was and what happened…
An’ I’m lettin’ go of all my lonely yesterdays
I’ve forgiven myself for the mistakes I’ve made
Now there’s just one thing
The only thing I wanna do, mmhmm
This morning I had a ‘Zoom’ meeting with a Rabbi. After many years of being confused and being unsure of what my real religious calling was I have began my process to convert to Reformed Judaism. Of course this is only going to happen next year but for the rest of this year I will be getting ready to begin the course. After meeting with the Rabbi and then emailing the Director of Temple of Israel I became so certain that this was what I was going to do.
Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine
Shinin’ down on me and you
When you put your arms around me
You let me know there’s nothing in this world I can’t do
Right after work I went to see my Jewish Foster Dad to discuss this with him and fill him in on the fees and to let him know that I was sure about this. I left his place so happy because he was so onboard and happy for me and he was prepared to do whatever he had to do to make sure that as long as I was certain about converting then it would happen.
While I was making my way home after meeting with my dad I had a flash back of the first thing that my dad said to me when I walked into his apartment tonight. As I walked in he asked me if I had good news to tell him…and smiling I said yes…but that smile quickly went away when in a happy tone he exclaimed ‘You’re getting divorced’…
You’re just a fool, you know you’re in love
You’ve got to face it to live in this world
You take the good along with the bad
Sometimes you’re happy and sometimes you’re sad
You know you love him, you can’t understand
Why he treats you like he do when he’s such a good man
Yesterday I said that I was not going to let his drinking affect me. Today was a good day and even though I am feeling glum I am going to be happy and I am going to be me. My name says it all…. NCUMISA…I am gonna smile and be happy! Fuck him and his ways.
Next year I am going to convert to Judaism and should this new journey take me on a new path in
I am just going to be me and 