Stuck! Confused!

Yesterday, I was so sure that I was going to become a  but…towards the end of the day I got a picture of my husband’s hand…

I didn’t reply.

While I was cooking supper last night and while I was attempting to clean the flat etc, he went onto a Zoom AA meeting and when we went to sleep, , I could hear him record a voice message about how he was feeling.

When I woke up this morning, he was busy doing Yoga.

While I was getting ready for work…he told me how I was right about him going to AA….many times I told him to go, to just find a support system to release his stresses to…he understands how he isn’t on his own and how he was feeling and the things he was doing was wrong.

I asked him why the change now and not after he was at Rehab, a few years ago. He said at that rehab, it was all about finding G-d and turning to the bible. He went on to say how he has pulled away from Hillsong, since all the Covid Restrictions and Zoom gatherings he no longer feels the connection, and he went on about Pastor Brian and his resigning and harassment charges. I told him, that we don’t know the full story so we cannot judge. I told him how for what he has done he deserves whatever punishment that comes his way and that I hope the victims get the help they need and are able to move on from this scenario, but Pastor Brian was self medicating on Alcohol and Sleeping Tablets, so I hope he gets the help he needs for that. I told him that I will not forget the warmth I felt when I listened to Pastor Brian’s sermons and videos. How when he greeted me, at a service, I felt warmth and respect and he made a positive impact in my life.

I am for what lies ahead.

I am too  to believe that from now on things will be good.

I am  of really making him go.

I am …

I dunno what now!