Sister

I was so sure until I spoke to her now.

I knew and have spoken to my father and husband and it was or at least it agreed upon that when I get my new car, which will hopefully be soon I will give my current car to my husband.

My Thinking!

He has been driving it already, the two us share the car.

A few weeks ago the taxi drivers were shooting and stabbing passengers in other taxi’s and on busses. Public busses and some taxis were been set a light with people in them. At the time I was ‘punishing’ my husband for one of his drinking and verbal harassment sprees, so I wouldn’t allow him to use the car. Every night for those few days I would be worried wondering if he was okay. I know I cannot live with that again. One night he was actually in the taxi behind a bus that had been set alight.

I would love to have less stress of having to worry when I would have the car available to do what I need to do, and worry about finishing up what I am doing, so he can have the car. And I would love to be able to rely on him having the car at his disposal so he can help me out with some stuff for the house, as supposed to having to wait to get the car from him or having to wait until I am fetched and then can drop him off at home and quickly do what I need to do.

My Sister!

When I just spoke to her she went on about how I would be the laughing stock…continuing to forgive his abuse and behavior. How can I ever expect him to treat me right when I let things go? He says now how he will pay for the insurance and petrol etc, but here I am 10 years into our relationship and the financial support I get from him is just the enough to see us through the first few weeks of the month…I tell myself it isn’t that bad…I mean everyone holds onto what I said a few months/years ago and now he is helping out, but it isn’t really enough.

He may give me this bank cards to pay for the living expenses, but I know he uses cardless transactions and I have to ask him every time to make sure there is money in the account I am going to use to pay for food etc. so most of the time I dip into my account or savings.

I told him on Wednesday that I would transfer the car onto his name so everything, for the car, would fall onto him. Before he nodded agreement to that, there was a slight pause. I wondered what he was thinking.

I know! 

If I go ahead and trade in my car, of course it would make buying the SUV more financially savy, but how could I look at my husband having told him I would give him the car and then going back on my word, well he has done that many of times, but that isn’t me.

I was so happy when I thought of getting the car and giving my husband the car. But my sister has made me think about how can I be certain that he will manage all that we struggle with now and a car still? How can I reward him when he has hurt me so many times? I know I cannot afford to have 2 cars.

FUCK!!