Mmm…

I remember the first time I heard this song…I was working at Musica and I would play this song often in the store. And then I introduced the artist to my then boyfriend…

 is my now husband…and he too loves this song. He always says how he misses the me I was when I played him this song for the first time. I was a twenty something living at home and had no care to the world and was just living each day…so yeah I guess I miss that girl too…

the world can be so crazy…but just being in his arms can quiet all the noise and stop the time. Often I wonder if there is a phrase stronger than ‘I Love You’ to say to him. I wish he could understand how he makes me feel…as torn and broken up as he makes me feel, because of our fights and his drinking and our situation, I don’t think I could ever find a more comforting spot than in his arms.

When I think back to how I felt when I was in the Clinic, recovering from my emotional breakdown, even though I know I could hold him partially responsible for a lot of the anguish and pain I was going through…when I was in that clinic I couldn’t stop wanting to be with him. I missed him so much. No place felt right…even after being put back on antidepressants and after all the counselling I still needed to be in his arms to calm my racing heart.

A few years ago, when we had broken up…I thought it was for good…I had kicked him out and told him it was over…every night I went to bed crying…no matter what I was doing I was missing him. Home didn’t feel like home…I was missing his mess, his clothes lying all around…the little bit of ash I found on the counter near with kitchen window…the messy dining room table with all the condiments from last night still on it and cold-drinks stains on the glass table….oh he is a mess…but he is my mess

When he is with me, when he is loving me, when I know he is being all he can be…I feel like I can handle it all. I feel like I have the power to make every dark day a bright one.

  I know I don’t have all the answers right now…but with the way life feels right now and with how good I feel about everything I am doing for myself…I can only see greatness in my future for myself and with my husband…