Mind #%@* Pt4

My husband told me the greatest news ever today…okay I am being sarcastic!! Because when I am not binging on Grey’s Anatomy I am freaking out about what this all means…

His brother resigned from the job he had and is moving to live with their mother and sister. Like WTF!!

His mother and sister are currently renting a lil 2 bedroom loft with 6 of them living in it.

I am just waiting for my husband to suggest that his brother moves in with us because we have a spare bedroom.

Let’s not forget how my husband doesn’t regularly contribute towards our household expenses, and I know my husband will be giving money towards his mother and sister which he has done in the past to help them out and even though he has told me he has stopped I am pretty sure he still does.

My husband went out today and bought a bottle of vodka which is now in our fridge.

And my bio mother finally went in to hospital to have an operation. They were meant to do a hysterectomy and push her bladder up as it dropped and she has been leaking water out of uterus for over a year. So she goes in to hospital and they finally to the op but surgeon saw growths in her uterus. And so they stopped the op, took out samples of the growth and are having it tested and they closed her up. They have told her it is possibly cancer and so she is telling everyone that. I spoke to the nurse and she told me they don’t know until they get word from the lab…but we all know when you hear something it is pretty hard to forget it all. So for the past few days I have been the mature baby daughter calming my bio older half sister down and checking in on our mother.

I haven’t told my husband yet. He is always working. I hate his job. Told him the other day to remind me to speak about it and he hasn’t asked me although he knows something is going on. Well he knew and is probably swamped now with work and his family stresses…which is kinda always! How the #%*& am I to have a baby with him?

I called in sick today at work…wasn’t in the mood to go in…so today is the most we have spoken face to face since he works from home.

This is so hard!! And it is only going to get harder!! I never see my husband. If I don’t attend to our bills and food we would probably be living in the streets. My savings is running very low and I don’t know what else to do as my salary is not enough to keep us living and he doesn’t contribute regularly and when he does he just does the bare minimum and by the time we are low on cash he has none…

Yesterday I looked into studying a short course in marketing. Maybe get another diploma under my name and eventually I will be able to be in a job where I am actually happy and excited to go into work and I am making a salary that I can do all that I need and want to do without going into my savings.