Mind #@%$ pt. 2.

Got home to a clean kitchen…of course I did clean some of what he did but was happy that I had less to do and could focus on , and

Okay so things were better yesterday but I do hope that that doesn’t mean I let go of how I have been feeling and let it all go…

I have a habit of forgetting the shitty times as soon as things go well! That is what makes my marriage and life so confusing. Just a few good hours can often make me forget about the endless days of irritation! anger! sorrow!

Tomorrow I am going for my HSG and Gynae appointment…I really want to have a child and so does he…even though I often think…

I told him about this appointment 2 weeks ago! Since Monday I have been reminding him to make sure he gets the day off so he can go with me and I am going to need him to be the driver, as I might not be able to drive after the dye has been shot up my lady bit. But on Wednesday he tells me how he cannot get out of work because…

So, for a few days I wrestled with the idea of cancelling my appointment and rescheduling for a time when he can make it…

I am remembering how a few weeks ago he was too hung over to go to the fertility specialist with me…so I went on my own. He did call me after I left and was hiding in my car…he was checking to see if I had left already and even though I could wait for him, I didn’t feel like it and so I went to the doc and when was there he did call in to speak to her,  But tomorrow I will be going on my own and as  as I am about it, I am okay! Whether I have a child or not one day, it will be nice to know that my body didn’t entirely fail me.

People have often called me a  and I think of myself as one. I do have  everyone knows this and often says so!  I need to work on that! I mean I do have them but don’t quite stick to them and I just let things go too much… So, I guess I am not really a