Mind Fart!!

So for the past month I figured I would save on my membership and also with the new job I don’t have as much freedom to post entries at work. Now I have to find the time to do it at home…but my husband is always around and he is working on the home computer most of the time…but I will make it work. For the past month I have been using  to write entries and I will be slowly uploading them to 

 hasn’t been doing too well…but hey it is summer now…so lots of  and with the new job I have been trying to live life a lot more.

  83.5 kg

 101 cm

 99 cm

 33 cm

 36 cm

 60.5 cm

 62.5 cm

Last weight in was on the 3rd of September, and I have put on 2.4 kg, lost a centimeter around my tummy, boobs have gone smaller by 2 centimeters but they could really do with a lift. My arms and legs seem to be about the same. My bum has gone bigger by 4 centimeters but I would swear it hasn’t.

Everyone is remarking about how I seem to have lost a lot of weight and my face is no longer there…my husband is upset I have lost my cheeks. Although I am  upset at him for a whole lot more than just the fact that he has put on weight although he is certain to have lost weight…although I am not upset at him for putting on weight. It happens and his stomach which is the issue is because of the booze he drinks and I swear he has boozed stored in his stomach as no matter how much or how little he may drink he seems to be hungover for days afterwards and gets drunk very quickly.

Had Shabbat Supper at my sister and when he wanted a drink I got up to pour him a class of coke…now my sister had a whole lot of liquor assortments spread out on the kitchen bar…

    and I don’t know what else….when I see Vodka I gravitate towards that…but anyway he got up at some point and poured himself a drink or few…I could tell right away that he had been drinking and I was so peeved as it was my family and you would think he would tone it down considering how they really feel towards him…but in truth before the drink he was rather reserved and feel left out, I had to beg him to stay and to lighten up…but after a sip or two of some alcoholic mix he was chatting away and including himself in conversations…but the man I had to deal with afterwards when we got home, wasn’t someone I was happy to be with.

Yesterday we went out for lunch and while he went to the bathroom I figured I would order my drink   and since they were having a special the waiter bought 2 of them even though I didn’t order 2…but so be it…my husband had a sip or two but didn’t finish it…but he was seriously so drunk that in the middle of lunch he brought me real down and made me feel like such shit. Of course I am the bad one in the relationship and in his eyes he is perfect.  as I don’t remember it when he asks later in the day and all I remember is feeling shit and crying a lil and listening to a Teddy Swims song on the radio and just feeling those lyrics. Yesterday I was just thinking of leaving him in the flat and cutting off all the accounts on my name and moving out to live somewhere else, so he could see just how much I do and see if we can really be without each other.

  These are all the things that are on my name or I attend to. Yet he still questions what I do and spend his money on when he is drunk and lashing out on me. Yes he does give me money every month but it isn’t enough to see us through and so I put in my half and waaaay more…and he still acts as if I do nothing and he can do it all.

Yesterday he was going on about how one day he will buy himself a flat so he can live in it whenever I have my moments and threaten to kick him out or whenever he has had enough… I am just his lackey until he can do it on his own…

Okay I need to go off and get ready for family lunch…I wanna get out of the flat before my husband wakes up! Guess I should have started getting ready a few hours ago as it is just about to hit midday now…