Me….the Wife pt 2…
Yesterday I went.
I met with the Marriage Counsellor and I thought I would have nothing to say to her. The past week has been great between my husband and I. We have been getting along and he hasn’t been drinking or smoking weed. Well I know he did drink on Saturday night…he went out while I was sleeping…he got home at about 2am and I pretended to sleep, whenever I turned to face him I could smell the alcohol off his breath.
Anyway so I told the counselor all this and she explained to me a lot…here it goes…
She explained how I need to accept that he is an alcoholic…
….and I cannot let him manipulate me into thinking that he can handle it or that him drinking is my fault or believe him when he says that he is drinking because of something that caused him stress. I would like to believe that I don’t let him manipulate me, but when I look back and see all the times he has drunk and I have let him or brushed it off, it was because I trusted that he could handle it, or I believed that I deserved it…I ate the chocolate so he had a right to get drunk. She told me that no matter what I do, it doesn’t give him the right to abuse alcohol and then blame me. I might have a sugar problem but his drinking can be detrimental. She told me something funny…out of all the addictive substances out in the world the only 2 that are legal are the ones that cause the most deaths annually. 
and 
. When she told me that, I fessed up and told her how sometimes I will wish that something fatal would happen to him because of his drinking and then the weight on my shoulders would be taken off and I would be free of him. I nearly cried when I admitted that, because I felt so bad, but I know that unless he left me I knew that I didn’t have the strength to leave him.
When I told her all that, she asked me how I felt about wasting my whole life. How I am missing out on life and its joys because I choose to let him bring me down.
We ended off the session with her telling me that I need to make him see that I cannot be around him and his drinking anymore. I need to be upfront with him and let him know that if he continues to drink then I will show him the door and never open it again. I told her how I know I don’t have the strength for that, and how I would feel bad knowing that he has no where else to go and live. And so she told me that I need to find support and advice from people who have lived through this…she stressed how I need to join Al-anon. Now I have had bad experience with them before, but last night, I got in-touch with a group and on Sunday I intend to sit in on a Zoom meeting and listen to them and hear them out and figure out my next move.
Ever since my husband and I first started dating we have been able to finish each other’s sentences, know what the other was thinking…we have just always been 
. This morning we were driving to work and he stressed how he is so fed up with the way life has been….
2 weeks into the new month
He wants me to find my own friends and he wants to complete his studies so he can be better and be able to offer more. He wants us to immigrate to the UK as soon as his studies are complete. I like that I was included in the moving plans. As much as I don’t really want to leave South Africa and move to the UK, if he can give me a proper plan and assure me that it will all work out, then I suppose I would be wiling to move.
I don’t know. I am so confused and feel as if I am all over the place.
I know I just need to stay strong and follow the advice I have been given and be firm with him, and not let him talk me into believing other things.
This is all so crazy! I thought being an ADULT and being A WIFE would be so easy…but it’s not. There are just so many things that I have to manage and so many things that can affect my moods and life.
I wish I had the answers. I wish I could just click my heels and everything would work out.