Me…The Child Part 3

When I was younger…and living in a world where I pretty much only had to worry about was…

…basically all I had to worry about was being a kid.

Anyway, so I was a lil black girl growing up with a Jewish White Family, while my Biological Mother cleaned the house and lived in the Maid’s Room, I slept in the big house.

On I would go to Shul.

When  would come around…I would go away with my Christian friend and her family. We would hunt for eggs and be delighted that we got to spend a holiday just filling up on chocolate.

I would come back from our holiday and then would eat Matzah for a week and have soup with Kneidel…for 

Then of course I would celebrate the Jewish New Year and I would attempt to fast for Yom Kippur…but December would come and I would be Christian again so I could get a Barbie Doll for  or some other toy of the season.

So basically I grew up celebrating 2 religions and as a kid it was of course all about the gifts and the good food and of course days to take off from school.

When I turned 11, my parents told me that Religion was something serious and I was now old enough to decide what Religion I really wanted to follow and dedicate myself to. It was simple, they were Jewish and so that is what I would be too…but why didn’t I convert then?

Well I didn’t want to convert then and force them to keep Kosher and abide by the Jewish Laws. I felt that since they were born Jewish they had no reason to change their life to accommodate mine and all the restrictions converting would insist on. Figured that when I became older and lived on my own I would then convert.

Yeah…that didn’t happen…

…every boyfriend I have ever had was Christian…so I figured that when I was in a serious relationship and was certain about the guy, I would adopted his religion.

I didn’t like the idea of having kids and making them confused with having to follow two religions, and for them to possibly feel lost like I did when I was a kid.

(well he was just a serious boyfriend then)

I would go with him to Hillsong Church and I tried to make our home Christian… I tried real hard to embrace  but I had so many questions about Christianity and I just could never understand their ideology.

I couldn’t respect people that would drink and party all week and sleep around and just go against everything that the Bible says and teaches…but because they believed in Jesus then they just assumed that G-d would still smile and everything will be okay.

I mean I know it is more than that…but I always did feel a more definite understanding with Judaism.

Last year I made the decision to do it. This year I was going to convert. I was doing this for myself!

In Judaism the kids are what the mother is…so they will be Jewish, right?

Not really…Christianity says that the kids are what the dad is…so they will be Christian?

Will I do both?

My husband would like them to be Christian like him, but I said to him that he doesn’t go to Church regularly, he doesn’t live a Christian life…I mean yes he can recite the Bible and he can preach Holiness but what Christianity is he bringing into the home, besides the Cross he wears around his neck when he dresses up, the bible that I bought years ago for myself, that he has on his beside table…and on YouTube he will listen to sermons. Being Jewish to me is going to be more than something I just say I am…I am going to carry that in my soul and pretty much every decision I make is going to be affected by the Jewishness that flows in my veins.

I am still going to love my Christian husband, but I am going to love myself a little more and embrace Judaism and G-d and when I have kids, I will teach them what G-d has taught me and I will lead them towards Judaism, but of course when they are mature and old enough, I will let them decide who they want to answer to.

But I am doing this for me. Living life for everyone else has led me astray and it is time I get back on the right path and answer to myself and G-d.