Manipulative

That is what my husband called me the other day…kinda used to the controlling tag name… and I guess today I learnt I am kinda a fool for him… although I am still pissed off but guess now I an willing to listen to him.

yesterday he game me a gift box with ‘Thank You’ written on it and until earlier today I never opened it…

He knows I love chocolates and junk….

Lately I keep picking up on signs that I deserve better and that I am being a fool for still being with him…

Just finished watching   and when Ryan Pierce (Regina Hall) said her speech close to the end, I felt as if she was talking to me…

I love that quote, don’t think it is very applicable to my marriage and situation…although he doesn’t quite push me enough unless to pursue my dreams or goals.

that quote is screaming at me!! I keep saying it over and over and over again in my head.

Right now I am so amped up to show him the door and close it behind him as he walks out…but then again another part of me……wants to pull him from his desk and have it out with him and talk it all out.

I am thinking that is the right thing to do since…

 and in Jan I already have an appointment with a fertility clinic

, they have really tried to include him, even though they really dislike him after all that I have told them in the past about his

I am sure they have their own dislike to him, regardless of his drinking and things that have happened in the past. But by ending things with him I will have them worry about me and question how I am doing and…

Often I will think and google up what over drinking can do to someone…

Long-Term Health Risks

Over time, excessive alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including:

• High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.^6,16
• Cancer of the breast, mouth, throat, esophagus, voice box, liver, colon, and rectum.^6,17
• Weakening of the immune system, increasing the chances of getting sick.^6,16
• Learning and memory problems, including dementia and poor school performance.^6,18
• Mental health problems, including depression and anxiety.^6,19
• Social problems, including family problems, job-related problems, and unemployment.^6,20,21
• Alcohol use disorders, or alcohol dependence.⁵

^{I don’t wish any ill on any human being, unless they are murders, rapists, terrorists etc, but there have been times when I have wished that something would happen to him due to his over drinking and he would either die or really wake up and change his life.} 

^{He can o days without drinking…I guess that wouldn’t make him an alcoholic…but then when he does have that 1 sip he can have a whole bottle or few of pure vodka in a day…so I guess that makes him an alcoholic.} 

^{Right now, there is a song that is always playing on the radio, and I just laugh and think of my husband…} 

^{Libianca – I’ve been drinking more alcohol for the past 5 days (People Remix) (Lyrics) ft. Becky G (youtube.com)} 

^{And I just think how I} 

…yet he will keep doing it and when we talk he will either play up to me and explain what has been going on and how he hates himself for it or he will turn it around and put the finger at me and point at my faults…or he will just pamper me or sweet talk me into forgetting it all and then we will just fall into our day to day behaviors…watch tv, eat together, sleep in the same bed, give each other back massages…