Last Night! No This Morning!

 deprive (a man) of his male role or identity.

I think that is what happened last night. I mean it is no excuse and it isn’t my fault.

Since my mother-in-law sent my husband the  message, asking him to buy them electricity my husband and I have been at war!

I barely slept last night! He was constantly making a noise and going out to his car and then calling be from it and going on about how he was going to leave. He was going to come back to the flat, in the morning, and pack his stuff and then leave. I told him to come home (kinda begged since it was 1am, I wanted to sleep and wasn’t in the mood to worry all night about him sleeping in his car). I asked where he was and what he was going to do. His answer was it didn’t matter and that I should worry.

He came home and then pestered me for his vape. As if I knew where that would be. He then got in and out of bed constantly. Used the light on his phone to look for things. Eventually he got into bed and slept. It was about 3am. I knew gym wasn’t going to happen for me and so I changed my alarm to a lil later and tried to sleep.

I cannot forget him going on about how he hates he has no money and cannot afford to buy himself underwear. The whole time I was thinking that it does suck how that is how things are, but he chooses to misuse his money.

• Paying off a car
• Buying Alcohol
• Paying off loans

A lil while ago he told me that my engagement ring he got on credit and is still paying it off. 6 years later. As much as I love my engagement ring it does kinda put a weight on it knowing this now. I mean I know I love expensive stuff and over the years we have always looked at Big Brand Jewlery Store Engagement Rings but considering how in the past he has proposed with less expensive rings and have said yes! he shouldn’t have thought that getting me ring that he would have to get a loan for was what I would want.

 That is my engagement ring! Although it is technically a Wedding Band, he proposed with that and when we got married, he gave me an “engagement ring” but it cost a lil over a grand  .

I get how feeling emasculated or poor can get you down. But that still doesn’t give him the right to speak to me the way he does. And when I bring it up, he validates it and says how right he was about the things he said.

He wants me to be more loving and expressing of my love. Funny how he forgets when I do and just because he is feeling shit, he expects if right then.

This day is going by so slowly. I just wish I was finished with work, and I could go and do what needs to be done. Crawl into bed and cry! I cried myself to sleep last night…well this morning.