It is happening…

…and so, in 18 days I will be having my Bariatric Op. Well of course anything can happen between now and then, but all seems to be  and now it is all about the preparation. I need to make sure that I am ready for what lies ahead.

 

So today after meeting with the , I obviously came back to work, but also bought a month’s pack of something that I am going to need to love…

A few weeks ago, I got Sports Bras , which are so comfy! Got awesome new pair of . I think I am almost ready…ready for this new life and change.

But of course, with all this excitement and adrenaline, I had a moment where I wished my mom was here with me. My dad is going to be out of town with his girlfriend and my sisters are in another city… so I have been thinking; how I am going to be doing this alone. I mean I have a husband but sometimes I feel as if things going on in my life are all up to me…I mean I can tell him and do, sometimes, but because I have not entirely let him in and because he has a somewhat limited responsibility (best word I could think of) but basically, he has never been someone I could fully rely on to get important things done. I know that is weird…but since he doesn’t have much, if any control or knowledge of my medical or financial information, he cannot do so much for me in that sense. (I guess I kinda have myself to blame for that, but also when I have wanted to talk to him about it, he has kinda brushed the topic off and not wanted to know)

Anyway…so yesterday I asked him if he could get off work for the date of my op. Besides me needing someone to take me there, it would be great knowing someone was going to be there for me when I woke up or if anything happened. I hope he felt that warmth I felt when he said he would take off. It was kinda a nice feeling, knowing that he cared enough to be there for me. Often, I have felt that his work was more important than me.

You know yesterday morning when I was taking him to work, he said something very profound. I moaned about his drinking and how it upsets me, and I went on about our finances and lack of…anyway so the jest of it was what he said to me. He said how he doesn’t say anything when he sees me eat chocolate etc. and when I don’t cook him supper etc. etc….and so he feels like he can’t say anything to me until he is giving me 100% and has sorted out his issues, therefore I cannot point the finger at him when I have my own issues to sort out and get through. So, guess I need to focus on myself…which kinda was the whole point of this year.

• just got to prepare hard for this exam coming up in a week and a bit

 that I love and so does my husband.

My husband was saying to me the other day how he feels like he is doing nothing with his life…hasn’t completed his studies, working in a job with empty promises, hasn’t got himself a car, doesn’t buy himself clothes or anything… I felt bad for him because I had that feeling about myself last year and decided that this year I was going to live and make changes in my life…I mean everything isn’t perfect, I still get teary eyes when I see other people living a life that I wish I had: babies, thinner, husband who seemed to me more loving and considerate than mine, I mean mine is great, but I just wish he had a sexy body, and was more attentive and was someone I could show off…

I am on track to getting   On the 31st of December 2022 when I look forward to 2023 and think back if I lived up to my resolutions for this year, I will be able to , for like the first time ever.