I’m Worthless!!

Alarm went off today and since I don’t have any hot water to shower and I barely have food to pack a work lunch, figured I may as well stay in bed a lil longer…

Right now, I don’t know what I’m feeling more…

For too long I have lived above my means always thinking that I will make it work! Guess it caught up and now I have nothing.

Last night when I got home the sink dishes were meant to have been done. Even though they were my chore for the month my husband agreed he would do them as I was worried we wouldn’t have enough hot water if we did them just before we were meant to shower… I came home and they had not been done. So, I just put on my and got to them… after a while I realized the water was not getting hot. Went to the switchboard and saw the geyser switch was down. And it wouldn’t flip on. Got my husband to look at it and he couldn’t flip the switch. He called an electrician and sent him a video of problem… of course he needs to come in and he can fix it, at a fee. I just curled up into a fetal position on the bed and cried.

He did climb onto the bed behind me and held me while I cried. But I can’t say that I didn’t think how he let this happen. he would have realized there was no hot water and acted on it earlier. then I wouldn’t have used up all my savings and we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Yesterday I calculated all the expenses and looked into our accrued accounts. Well just 2 of them and I broke down some more when I realised how before even eating or my husband’s expenses, we were broke.

I can’t really blame anyone else but myself.

While I was driving around in my suburb, I saw so many beggars on the street…and kept thinking about how one day that could be me. Before it was so easy to question how they could let their life get like that…I mean I am far from being on the street, but I see how it can happen. This morning while I was getting a drink from a cafe a woman…a white women no less said how she was using the last card she had working as she was just fired from her only job.