If I Died…

…I know I would leave behind people who would be beyond devastated and they would miss me but I wouldn’t feel this pain anymore. At least I think I wouldn’t. Life is so fucking hard right now and I feel as though everyone around me is living somewhat a good life and I have fucked up my life and have nothing.

been home for now 2 hrs (feels longer) and my husband is out with friends. Not sure how he managed to get out and afford it since he transferred money into our bank account today and it isn’t much. I feel as if he is all talk talk talk and not really pulling his weight.

I still have yet to be paid but I am really trying to make it all work and figuring out how I am gonna make it work.

My bio mom just told me that the doc told her she has sugar and heart problems. So now I am worried about her and now thinking about how I am going to change my diet as Diabetes does run in my biological family and I have a very very very sweet tooth.

I really pray that things will work out for me. I am willing to put in all that I need to put in to make it work.

I want to get a diploma or few under my belt so if that means working retail and studying while at it then BRING IT ON!
I mean ideally in my head that isn’t what will be happening but I need to stop living with my head in the clouds and I need to get things moving.
maybe I can ask my Dad for a couple of grand so I can study….although I am sure he is sick of hearing me say that and do that and never finish a course. But if I want to better my life, I am gonna need to have some skill or diploma under my belt…