I Went to Sleep Loving Myself Last Night…

After work I forced myself to fit in a gym session before rushing home for more  meeting.

Wow does it feel good when I am in gym. As good as I felt while being there, I did realize how unfit I was, as I did need to pause every now and then to take a breather.

Tomorrow morning will begin with another gym session before I get on my way and do all that I have to do tomorrow.

I know I love my husband and right now we are in a good place…but I cannot say that while I was at gym I didn’t check out a few guys and wish they were my husband. And I don’t mean in the sense they were good looking…I mean in the sense of how they had a motive and drive to do something they enjoyed or benefitted from. Yes, my life and my husband’s life is quite very much centered around us…but at least I get up and go to work and get out the house…may that be going to shul or meeting a friend or family member every now and then. Besides his work, that he does at home, and his break downs which lead to drinking and us arguing…when he has been paid or if with family, his life is very isolated. I wish he had more in his life. While we watch our shows in bed after/during supper he will snack on whatever junk he can find in the flat…

   …guess I am  kinda to blame for having all that stuff in the house. I suppose that also feeds into my addiction, but I guess now I have come a point where I can have that right in my face and not crave it…he goes looking for it and will indulge in it right after having a full plate of supper and even complaining that he is full. My amateur psychology brain is telling me that he is feeding his depression…I used and still do the exact same thing.

 I am tired of my job and I am tired of wanting more but not doing enough…so yesterday I emailed a recruitment agency and I think I wrote them a great introduction letter…. which I had copied it so I could use it as my CV Front Page. Mmm…how did it go…

 Anyway…basically I am loving myself and am happier every day!