I Want My Own Baby…

Busy binging on  and just watched the episode where Alex flied over a bunch of African Babies/Children, so they can all get cured or operated on and the episode ended with Derek dancing while holding Zola.

The whole time I kept holding back tears just begging G-d to bless me with my one lil baby. It is so not fair how all I want is to be a mommy…to have my own baby and I just can’t.

2 weeks ago, my husband and I went to a fertility specialist and of course she told me something that I already know…I have PCOS. My husband was taking to the men’s room to have a lil fun with himself and on Wednesday morning we will find out if his boys are strong swimmers. So, if his boys are worthy swimmers then I guess we will take on fertility treatment. I am in my last week with taking the pill. I know weird that I am wanting to fall pregnant, but I am taking the contraceptive…but I have only been taking it to regulate my cycle.

Aaah!!!!! I want a baby.

Everyone is always telling me what a great mom I will be. Why won’t G-d give me the chance to prove them all right? I have a damn  board of nursery options. Whenever I get the chance I go into baby stores to check out prams and baby furniture…I am always going through baby clothes in shops. I have my babies’ name picked out.

All I need now is a baby! Okay I mean there could be a few other things I could do with too…

I am not asking for much, am I! I like to think that the  will happen when a baby happens, but I know that is a big risk!

I am applying all the time for a new job. And lately I have been looking for a course to study  So I could offer more to a job! I know if I just had a baby everything else would work out. I would make it all work out!!