I Want More!

I Want more…

This year (well the end of the year) will mark 20 years since high school. And There isn’t much I can show for myself…

I mean I survived a Car Accident…so I can walk! I can Think for myself! I no longer have Short Term Memory! although old age is maybe kicking in, so I remember less.

Right now, I am not the person that I thought I would be when I was just an 18-year-old girl. I mean yeah life as thrown a few punches my way but still. While chatting to all the people that I was in high school with and hearing how some don’t even live in the same country and others are doing things that you never thought they would be doing, I get really depressed with where I am in my life. I thought I would be so much more than what I am. I mean yeah sure I am alive but what do I have to show for it?

I want

 

  Okay so I have the husband who I love and am happy with (most of the time).

 Not sure what that is, but a job that meets those criteria would be great! I mean right now I am content with the job that I have…but I am human of course I want more.

I suppose if I had all that, I would be happier than I am right now! Or even if I just had the Dream House and Perfect Family. I just want to have kids and a home so badly! I mean I am lucky to be living in a flat that I own right now but it isn’t what I want entirely!

Every day, I am applying for a new job!

I am getting really invested and involved in my Community and Shul! As tiresome as it can be I am going to leadership meetings and volunteering where I can. I am not doing this so G-d can bless me with all that I want…  I just enjoy being part of something more than myself and my circle.

I have told myself many times to get up and go to  So I hope after work I will actually make it to gym and workout a lil!

   

Last night my husband and I watched that! The girl said she thought she just put on weight when her jeans wouldn’t fit well. Exactly what I have been experiencing. She also has the same infertility issues that I do. But unlike her I am pretty sure I just put on weight considering all the shit that I have been consuming lately! So, my mission now is to prepare myself for a reunion that I may or may not go to at the end of the year but at least I now have a Time Frame to work towards…